There will be something

a change a change a change going to come. find me, a way, to look at this loveliness and decompose its excess upon my mortal soul. let the pain sulk out of its weary chest and hold me. i cant go at this pace anymore. where is it taking me? i find myself with moments of confusion or insanity trying to keep up with myself, this so called life, fucking money chasers just to live, breathe, eat, feed me some greed from the capitalist pig. i just want kosher. no more. i don't want to model anymore, it is just getting me down. there is nothing left for me. i think it might be different, but its not. i compare too much. i drive my bf crazy. i drive myself crazy. who wants some crazy, come buy it off of me?

i want to get out of la. pay off my student loans. incur more? who knows. so many questions, but there are never answers. follow the wind, my lowly dreamer.

i just want to create,sing, love write and make love in the grass and drink wine and listen to jazz.

but there is more work to be done.

people are suffering.....

With teeth

I keep dreaming my teeth are falling out....what could this mean. Only in dreams.

quick draw

the last photos taken, the last money spent, there are no cures, only maladies in times like these, the mind is a trap, and a clever one at that, the destruction follows you around like a foul smell, just to let you know he is always there

climbing against walls of lemon eyes and sugar cane, the desert feeds my oblivious soul. there is nothing. fabricated non-truths, styled very well for verity's sake.

how is there more, but less, disintegrating, anger, finding, looking, always something, there is no letting go. cling out of fear, out of loneliness, out of curiosity.

i will find the way and the dream soon, just keep searching, don't let it get you down, all of this information, sinking into my brain, ignore the useless, we waste too much time, but im so busy, but i waste, im not productive enough, or pretty enough, enough enough ehough ive had enough! i can only be so so so so nice and i try, i do, walk please

towards me, my love, i want you need you feel you live never before under the stars of my skin and the universe of my heart

cool.

i think so.

it happened before.


sure.

you never liked it.

no, you didn't.

how could he

how could she

not possible

it could only happen to you

you are the prettiest

you are the best

if the world ends now, i want to be in your arms.

so, find me.

Fucking work

Fighting with a feeling but failing to realize i am flailing and falling and nothing is being resolved. He is out to get me, we will never get a long. My life being the fodder for his entertainment, i need to be stronger, walk over me, like shells on the sea shore, hear the beauty and feel the pain.

i just don't understand what i am doing and what i am meant to do. do we create our realites or do our realities create us? i feel so
so
so
so
so
fucking
ugh


trying to find answers in the trash and the jealousy and forming molecules of movement into gems of reason

I hope he is right

Moving, loving, escaping reality, or by escaping we mean running with our eyes closed.

He doesn't want me. He doesn't need me. I am a joke, a young toy to play with, but nothing else.

I'm too old, he sees me dying on the inside, it is not secret.

There is too much pain in this world.

I try to let it go.

But it lingers

like a heavy weight

upon a heart that was never quite sure of itself.

Best. Quote. Ever.

At a cafe and i overhear, "I look like freaking R2D2 on crack!..............it was a very enjoyous experience"

haha.

Good times, crazy times

At a cafe, before it becomes hipsterfest 2009....enjoy a photo by Modern Citizen, and two by me. I think the photo by MC really captivates how silly I can be. A lot of my photos can be too godammn serious. Lighten up, jeez! :)