Trains, time and transitions

On Monday, I took the train from Penn Station to Montreal's Gare Central. The ride was about 12 hours. Who knew the rest of NY was so green? I have adored trains for a while now, and even though many people complain about Amtrak's delays, smelly cars and average customer service, I find trains to be so relaxing. My life is always controlled by the clock. I am always close to being late, or way too early. I'm at the mercy of life in the city. Appointment, meeting, class, ellipsis on the scale.....on a train, time is halted. For hours, my mind wanders in the luxuriousness of having nowhere to go. I am stuck....in the most positive of ways. Being able to observe, pontificate, ruminate, while watching the beautiful landscape pass me by provides an insurmountable pleasure.

Slow down. I've heard that many times, but never do it. In times like this, when everything seems to be moving so fast, but not fast enough, I have to remember this. I have to remember that the most important things in life are punctuated by moments.

I am in Montreal enjoying the fresh air, the friendly people, the beautiful french words falling so gracefully off of Quebecoise tongues.....My life outside is relaxing. A change of scenery, of pace. To not be at the mercy of time, to exercise some free will....but my inner turmoil is poisoning.

One decision will change the course of my life.

Decisions like this complicate everything because they make you re-evaluate everything in your life. What is important? What is at stake? How will my action or inaction affect me? Others? Now and in the future? So many questions, but the answers are buried in rubble. I want to have everything. Does that make me selfish?

As cliche as it sounds, only time will tell.